Et tu, Eggman?
by CrankyDong
Summary: For want of amorous desire, the lives of Sonic and his friends are marked by that which cannot be easily forgotten…


Chapter One: XXXtra Cheese with that Egg

The room pulsated with sexual energy.

"Nobody has ever touched me like this…" Eggman moaned with his egg-hips quivering uncontrollably.

"Take me, onii-chan..." He pleaded.

"Just wait until I add the pizza," Freddy Fazbear grunted into his rotund ear.

"Hope I'm not too late to join the party!" Sonic the Hedgehog exclaimed as he slammed the door open, interrupting the two passionate lovers as they consummated their forbidden lust.

The color quickly drained from Sonic's royal blue face. He had feelings for the portly and balding scientist. The sight of their canoodling made his heart beat fast: even too fast for Sonic's tastes.

"Oh… uh… snooping around as usual I see…" Eggman whispered, mortified that his spiky nemesis had seen him in such a compromising position.

Sonic took one solemn breath and shed a tear, but knew what he had to do. He quickly concocted a plan to regain the attention of the Egg for whom he so deeply had feelings.

Sonic spin-dashed out of there and rolled faster than he ever had before. He felt so sick that even the thought of chili-dogs made him uncontrollably ill. He knew the only thing that would quench his undeniable rage was the sweet release of revenge.

_Come on! Step it up! I can't just stand idly by and let my eggy love crack in my hands like this. I must take action, but how? _Sonic thought to himself.

A thought occurred to him. He thought of the obsessive, pink hedgehog who so desperately longed for him- Amy.

'_Oh, Amy. The things I could do to her… Oh, the jealousy Eggman would feel if he knew his true love were getting some of that hot, hedgehog ass… I haven't "gone fast" with her in a while anyway. Amy and I go way back. We experimented with each other when we were in school. She's a total nympho, and I know how desperately she still wants my blue, meaty chili-dog. Oh, yes. This plan is simply __eggcellent__.' _Sonic thought to himself as he decided the appropriate course of action to take.

Sonic reached for his hedge-phone and proceeded to dial the number of his longtime booty call. Because Amy was one of Sonic's Fav 5 on his T-Mobile plan, he had unlimited call and text with her for the low price of 60 rings per month (not including tax). Those assholes at T-Mobile would always find some way to screw Sonic over though; seriously… a fee to transfer the texts from his old phone? The roaming charges in Green Hill Zone were bullshit too. If he had stuck with Verizon he wouldn't have such spotty coverage, but they seriously nickel-and-dimed him. Sonic would have had to pawn off one of the chaos emeralds to come up with the rings to cover his unlimited data plan… Damn he missed his unlimited data plan.

_**SOME TIME LATER...**_

_*shwing shwing*_

The room was pitch black.

_*shwing shwing*_

Nothing could be heard aside from the polishing of a hammer.

_*shwing shwing*_

It had been exactly 6 days, 12 hours, 52 minutes, and 37 seconds since Sonic had contacted Amy Rose last. Why hadn't she heard from him since then? Was he seeing someone else?

_*shwing shwing*_

If that was the case, Amy was prepared to take extreme action…

_*SHWING SHWING*_

_*Nah, walk up to the club like, "What up? I got a big cock!" _

_I'm so pumped about some shit from the thrift shop _

_Ice on the fringe, it's so damn frosty _

_That people like, "Damn! That's a cold ass honkey."*_

There...

THAT

WAS

SONIC'S

RINGTONE

With enough force to crack the screen of her hedge-phone 6 Plus, Amy answered her phone. Well… tried to. Have you ever answered a touchscreen phone while wearing Mickey-Mouse gloves? Shit's hard as fuck to handle. But alas, she overcame the inherent challenges of being born with big-ass gloves. She had to… For Sonic… Her one and only.

Amy eagerly answered the phone.

"Oh, Sonic! I thought you forgot about me! Haha… Ha…"

"Come on, Amy, I could never forget about a hedgehog as special as you," Sonic assured with a sultry voice.

"Do you really mean that, Sonic? I didn't know you thought that of me…"

"Hey, would you mind if I stopped by your house for a bit? I have something I wanted to ask you about…"

"Of course, Sonic! You're welcome over at my place any time. I really mean that."

"Alright! I'll be right over!"

Sonic cruised down the highway in his sky blue Suzuki Hayabusa whilst clad in black leather garb that shown in sun magnificently. He eagerly anticipated the jealousy that Eggman would feel once he found out about his and Amy's imminent tryst.

In good time, he arrived at the quaint condo that Amy called home.

Roses in hand, a known aphrodisiac of Amy's, he knocked on the door to the rhythm of the Bangles' smash hit "Walk Like an Egyptian."

Sonic's pungent scent alone was enough to douse Amy's panties in a torrent of unbridled pleasure.

Soon after Amy answered the door, Sonic asked with that sultry voice of his, "Hey girl, I hope I'm not moving too _**fast **_for you, but would you like to… have a personal anatomy lesson with me, girl?"

Trying to contain her excitement, Amy placed her hand on her chest, just above her heaving, large, succulent breasts.

Giving Sonic one last lustful glance, Amy insisted, "Come on in Sonic."


End file.
